Sorry I've been away all

I find that all I want to do is be with my little son

although duties usually don't allow this to be



my baby and this war thing

if I had my way, the only thing that would be on my mind right now would be my baby

Unfortunately, this is not the case

so I find myself exploring sentiments inside of me

that I never knew were there

what is most pronounced in my heart about this war

is all the mothers over there with children

little baby's like mine

who are suffering even more than a mortal life should

ten times more if the child is hurt



i mean

i was horrified the day i fell

and my baby was safe on his cushy bottom

and that was hard for me

i who pride myself on my self control

lost all of it - plus some



i can't even imagine what i would do if i lived in iraq...



there was an article a few days ago

about a pregnant woman jumping out of her car screaming in horror

horror

and then the car blew up

and she and her unborn child were killed



incidents like this is why i have decided to become a citizen of the united states of america

i will vote for someone who is not bush

i want my child to have some pride in who he is

and having been born an american

and a texan at that



i almost can't stomach listening to news about the war

it breaks my heart and i honestly feel that if it affects me this way

how is it affecting my son

through me



yes i know that this is not a perfect world

and people asked me

why do i want to bring a child into this ugly world



because there is always hope



and i want to maintain that possibility for my son

therefore

i'll take him to the butterfly museum

and to the children's museum

and to see his grammama

and i'll bring his friends to see him

and i'll sing to him and play with him and love him



and make this as beautiful a world as he deserves