I don't. Nay, won't.

Today I had another fight with my boyfriend.

Some backstory for those who don't know me or Brian very well: We've been together for nearing three years. Most people who have seen us in action agree that we have somewhat of an antagonistic relationship, but that it works well for us. We both have a healthy distaste for convention and tradition. I dye my hair red and he wears geek t-shirts. Though he is largely apolitical, he does things that I admire, like driving a scooter because he wants to leave a smaller ecological footprint than most humans do. I'm a hard-core liberal, which he admires because if he had the energy to be political, he'd be a liberal, too. No other relationship I've had has been nearly as fulfilling as this one and I know he would say the same for himself. Above all: we make each other laugh and we are seriously, comfortably happy when we're not talking about what I'm about to talk about.

Our one huge point of contention: marriage. You might think that, given how I describe myself, I wouldn't be so concerned with this sort of traditional display of commitment. But it is ingrained in the female mind to want to partner up for life, and so, I find myself in the position that so many females find themselves in: at the latter end of my twenties and feeling like it's time to settle down. Brian, on the other hand, is about as down on marriage as you can get. First he will tell you that it doesn't work; that all marriages are doomed for failure and everyone ends up miserable when they're ten years in. (I should tell you he is a bit of a pessimist). Second he will tell you that he just doesn't care either way; that maybe someday he could get married, but it isn't a "priority" and may never be.

The fight came up again today because he is getting serious about leaving his job and looking for a new one. In the museum biz, you go where the job is, so I've always known that there is a possibility that he might decide to pack up and move to Iowa or somewhere equally as distasteful (apologies to any Iowans reading, I actually know nothing about Iowa) for a good job at the Iowa State History Museum or whatever. So add to the fact that he doesn't want to talk about marriage the fact that he is also ok with leaving this relationship for his career, and we're talking major relationship breakdown.

Now some Houston opportunities have arisen and he's not taking quite the gung-ho approach I would have hoped for because he's pretty sure they won't pay enough. He doesn't know this for a fact, mind you, he just says he knows the museum biz well enough to know that these jobs won't pay enough. I don't think it will shock you to say that his feet-dragging is depressing me.

Here is where you come in: here is this group of men almost all committed to a woman. This is an unprecedented group to me, I am 27 and have been surrounded by flakes thus far in my life (except for my dear brother-in-law, who truly found his other half in my sister...it's the sort of thing you see in movies, but rarely in real life). I, and I'm sure countless other women, would love to tap into your collective knowledge:

Did you always know you wanted to be married? You hear a lot about men "growing up" and "settling down" and I think just as females are hard-wired to want to bond when they're young, males aren't and that marriage is a definite choice rather than an unconscious desire. Just let me know if I'm wrong on that. And, if you didn't always want to be married, did you at least accept it as part of the "way of the world" and know that you would eventually be coaxed into marriage?

Or does it all come down to the eyes of the woman you're with? One day you're a happy bachelor and then, without warning, here comes this girl and you say, "yes, this is it."

Because if that's it, I'm screwed. I tried telling Brian today that he wasn't going to be able to run away from this; every woman he would ever meet would eventually ask him, "um, dude, are you planning on making this legal or what?"

I've tried imagining myself staying in this girlfriend state forever and I can't. Am I asking too much of these three years we've been together? Should I expect a longer courtship?

Sorry for the Dear Abby letter, but I thought you all might have some insight.