...Paola Isobel is born and i am at a loss for words. I'm not quite sure what to expect. Some people say it will be easier, others harder. I don't listen to them anyway, i've just allowed myself to be swept away in the whirlwind of life's chores.
Yesterday, Adolfo comes home from school with a 'sad face' on his conduct report and i take him for a talking walk. We walk to the end of the street and i ask him what he did today. He is coy about it - talks softly. I let him get it out and then get on my knees and explain what he did wrong and what he did right. I tell him what not to do and why he shouldn't. I explain his punishment and he sighs heavily like his mother.
I slept in Paola's room last night. It was cool, clean, and inviting. The crib is swollen with pink linens and the changing table is fully stocked with all the familiar supplies. We are prepared for the usual, but as i'm lying there i can't shake the feeling that i am forgetting something; something important. In the dark i realize that i haven't been touching her belly as much as i did with adolfo. I didn't play the guitar nearly as much as i did when adolfo was in carol's belly. I haven't read to her. I haven't spent the time considering what i would do when she was born, I've taken it for granted that i am ready for what she has to dish out.
Soon after that i fell asleep. I didn't come to any conclusions - i'm still not sure if we are ready, but i know for sure we were just as jittery when adolfo's birth neared - i was full of regrets (i didn't have a home for him) and full of uncertainty ...
Yesterday, we bought batteries for this super-ultra-cool toy. He loved it. He was shrieking with laughter in the backyard. Shrieking. Laughing. It was a sound like i'd never heard as potent as his first shrieks of birth. I watched him from inside and then ran out to join him with my camera.
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